I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
