I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
