Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
