The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize