i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
