his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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