my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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