That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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