And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
