I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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