Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
