I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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