You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
