Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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