the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
