My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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