She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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