my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize