I love black thongs
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
