You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize