Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
