so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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