Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
