you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Did I show you my penis last night?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
