it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize