thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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