R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
