We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
