i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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