well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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