i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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