OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
