i think my mom watched the whole time
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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