How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
