im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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