Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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