the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Found the puke drawer
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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