STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
