You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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