I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
