they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
