New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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