Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
