so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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