I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
