I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
