me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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