Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
