You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
