You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
