happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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