From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
