ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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