Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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