We named our party play list daddy issues
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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