I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
