He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
