I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
