I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
