He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
