you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
