He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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