Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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