I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Panties = found
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
