Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
