Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
