I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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