I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
