3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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