What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
